Okay, we know long distance relationships are hard and takes a lot of commitment and effort, but there are some PERKS that people in LDR have the luxury of experiencing. Here is a list from
1) NO SHAVING!: This by far is my favorite! I mean not to say I am sasquatch walking about but unlike our sisters in relationships with their boyfriends in the same zipcode we have the luxury of going a few days or dare i say even weeks without the dreaded waxing shaving and any other hair removal .
2) COMMUNICATION: You learn how to communicate effectively! Conversations and getting your point across becomes a bit more important that anything else in LDR. So naturally by the end of you LDR stint you have become communication kinks. Lets face it the number one thing most couples complain about is the lack of communication. You both now have the opportunity to fine tune and basically improve your self and your relationship for the long run.
3) PERSONAL GROWTH: You have time to worry about yourself and your needs. One of the major things I learned is about MYSELF. That why alot of people don’t jump into relationship these days, they don’t feel like their ready or they don’t want to lose their independence. LDR allows you that freedom and independence as well as being in the security of a relationship. Its like the best of both worlds. You have the TIME! the SPACE! and the FREEDOM! Seize it, find yourself, be independent and in the long run you will be better for it. For me during my long distance relationship I got the courage to start my own business and went through recovering from a pretty bad car accident, looking back I see how much stronger I have gotten from dealing with those things one my own. If I had a bad day my sweetie would give me pep talks and try to visit but there is another comfort in knowing you can take care of yourself.
4) CREATIVITY: You get creative real quick real fast. you get creative with your flirting you get creative with ways to turn each other on from a gagillion miles away. Bottom line is you’re going to have a PHD in creativity by the time your done.
1) COMMUNICATION: Ditto to Lily’s comment about communication! I think this is major and we both definitely got better at it during our LDR stretch! Whether its getting your point across or letting your partner know exactly what is bothering you, clearly explaining and listening to each other with mutual respect is an absolute must.
2) FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION: Thats right. If it itches you scratch. Whether its that really urgent nose picking activity, taking the browns to the superbowl with the door open, the basic right to fart or walk around in the natural glory, guys can basically touch base with the caveman rootz. You go about it without reservation. In reality, it is out of respect that we dont bring the caveman manners to our ladies eyesight but it is important to appreciate these basic instincts and go about them honorably.
3) PERSONAL GROWTH: I have to say this as well. Our LDR helped me learn a lot about myself and even my own insecurities that I didnt even know I had. You learn to trust your love and also yourself as you go along. You learn to forgive and forget. You learn to be better at prioritizing your life because , trust me you will have plenty of moments where the future seems bleak or uncertain. But you learn to trudge through it all.
4) SPICING UP SEX LIFE: Any couple who is in or has been in an LDR will know this. You get limited time together, so more often you are fantasizing about what you can do together than actually doing it. There is an element of teasing here as both you and your loved one wants to be with each other but its not possible to meet daily, weekly and at times monthly! So you can let your imagination run its course and talk more to each other about each others sexual fantasies and the lengths you want to go to. The kinkiness of it all lies in the planning and waiting for it. It could be role playing or any such fantasy that you both want to try but whatever it is, the fact that you cant get what you want “right here right now!” adds a mix of difficult patience and extreme longing that when you DO meet up, it can get explosive. =)
5) PLAY: Depending on how you like to zone out, whether its a sport, playing or listening to music, video gaming, reading, running, hiking, biking, hill climbing, couch surfing..(this list could go on for a bit as needed), you can use your LDR period to explore these and get it out of your system if needed. When you are together you will change to a more balanced life and probably shouldn’t be staring at a video game or a game on tv for hours on end (proceed at your own risk).
“When you play, play hard; when you work, don’t play at all.”
― Theodore Roosevelt
On any given day we have so many things going on, from the time you wake up to the time you sleep your mind gets a constant influx of thoughts, non stop.
These could involve anything from daily plans, your past, your future plans, your work concerns, some class that doesnt quite make sense, an annoying neighbor, stuff that your close friends and family go through.. you name it its all there. We are all complicated people but when you are in a relationship, and specially a LDR, you HAVE to make extra time and put more energy and attention on truly understanding what appetizers, entree’s, side dishes and desserts are on your loved ones plate.
You obviously have your plans and goals and since you know yourself better than anyone else, only you would fully understand everything you have dealt with, are dealing with and plan on dealing with in the future. Do people have mind reading skills? NO! So it is your responsibility to let your sweetheart know when and if certain things bother you. For example if you are really worried about passing that class, getting that job or how someone you knew is changing for the worse, then you have to talk about it without keeping it bottled it because from your girlfriend/boyfriends point of view, you are just having ANY OTHER DAY.
Your plans and goals are important to you, but you have to realize that it takes two to tango! If you want to go left and your dancing partner goes right without you knowing it.. disaster! So its really a big deal that you focus your attention on your love and truly try to get in to their shoes as much as possible. That way you will get a flavor (NO Sorry you will never fully understand because she/he is a different person) of what they are dealing with and decide if you are actually capable/you want to take in bites of stuff from their plate as well!
In the end, and in the long run, we think the two plates become one big lovely meal but we are not there yet! What do you, yes you the reader, what do you think? We are curious to know, learn and grow from your input as well. Please share your thoughts on this.
Do you ….
…tend to get jealous alot?
…feel like you need to know the location of your significant other at all times?
…need to be on dates and pampered and taken care of frequently?
If you answered yes to any of the questions above most likely LDR is not going to be the relationship for you. Don’t get us wrong its normal to be a lil jealous sometimes or want your sweetheart to take you to that new restaurant. After all doesn’t dating involve going on dates?… But since there is DISTANCE…lots and lots of distance a lot of things couples living close by have the luxury of, might not be possible for a LDR couple. AND ITS OK! If both of you are invested in this for the long run there are things that you could work on together.
WHAT TO KNOW BEFORE GETTING INTO A LDR
1) IT REQUIRES TIME..LOTS OF IT
The funny thing is even though you both are far away and you seem to have more time for yourself, a LDR requires more time and care than a traditional relationship. Since you can’t be physically invested you have to be mentally and emotionally invested. This does NOT mean that you have spend hours on skype and on the phone and talk every minute of every day. Because that is not possible or realistic. What we mean is that the 10min or 1 hr or however long you have the time to spend with your loved on make it count. One of the things we found helpful were small surprises. Since we didn’t see each other for months at a time. We would do things like:
- Order delivery from local restaurant for the other if they had a long day or just because.
- Send flowers to celebrate little things that you cant be there to give a hug for.
- For christmas if you can’t be there together send small meaningful gifts and have them open it on Skype. ( We did 12 days of christmas…the hard part is making sure they don’t open them ahead of time…but thats why Skype and multiple turns of duct-tape was created.)
- Supporting your significant others dreams and hobbies, while making sure that your own dreams and hobbies are not side tracked.
Know that going into the relationship you wont be able to see, hear or know anything other than what your loved one is saying. So trust is a huge part and we mean HUGE! All the small insecurities or doubts you have when your loved one is near gets magnified a billion times when they are away. So its important to know that you trust this person. Its normal to have some insecurities here and there however the scenario changes if they have cheated on you or you caught them flirting. You’re probably going to be driving yourself insane once they are away from you. To be honest ‘trust is earned.’ Take the time to be sure your significant other earns your trust before committing to anything.
You have to be mature and we don’t mean financially or career wise. We mean Emotional maturity. There are going to be ups and downs in your LDR much like all other couples, but whats different for you guys is that you would have limited resources to fix or mend those tough downs. When we started dating it took both of us along time to realize the importance of maturity. In a fight you cant just hang up the phone because its not like he/she can come to your house and ring your doorbell. On a bad day that reassuring hug you need is not going to be there, instead you will be hugging a phone or your laptop. You have to be emotionally mature to handle all these problems.
4) KNOW YOURSELF
This last point brings us back to the three questions we listed in the beginning. You can prevent a lot of arguments and heartache if you know yourself from the beginning. And by knowing yourself we don’t mean that you have everything figured out and you know who you are..because if you wait that long you might be looking for your partner in a nursing home. Be honest with yourself. Look at your past if you need answers. If you know you’ve been the jealous type most likely you will experience them in the future. If you really want to make this a healthy relationship, work on it. Make that active effort to not bring jealousy into the relationship. If you tend to get angry and say the wrong things.. then have a discussion before hand of what you need with your partner. If you need to get off the phone and have an hour or two to cool off let them know that when you guys are just having a normal conversation, not at the heat of the moment because that could be taken negatively.
We know its a lot to take in but for a healthy Long Distance Relationships its important to address or at-least be aware of what you are getting yourself into. Give yourself a chance to make a choice. In-order for anything to grow the foundation has to be solid. Give your relationship a solid foundation and you can build on that in more ways than you thought possible. Because of our long distance relationship both of us have gained a lot, both together as well as independently. In a way you are getting a chance to grow into who you are independently, while growing on an emotional level without all the physical distractions in a relationship. Its up to you to steer the ship so make sure you have solid map as your foundation.
When you face the dreaded long distance relationship, a lot of things might be going on in your head. Relationships take time and effort, but having a long distance stint in your relationship requires much more effort from both of you. It will bring out the best and worst in you and force you to face realities and prioritize your life. Most of us will not PLAN on getting into a long distance relationship, it will just happen due to multiple reasons the major ones being college, graduate school or job.
This blog is about what you can do to get the maximum out of your long distance relationship and share with you certain things that worked for us. We also hope that your comments and discussion would enable us and others to learn more about what works and what doesnt, what pit falls to avoid and how to keep the flames burning in the relationship so we can all navigate through the crazy seas!!